And Peter answered him, “Lord, if it is you, bid me come to you on the water”, Matthew 14:28.
It has been 2 years since I became a full timer – serving God with Couples for Christ India. This is the verse that gave me the grace to take the step that led to many more steps where I had to say yes to God and no to self.
Among my many weaknesses especially known by those closest to me, I struggle greatly with laziness, fear and clumsiness. So the idea of ‘working for God’s Kingdom‘ as a full timer was hardly on my mind. In fact I remember, in the year 2013 I met one of the elders in the community, I told her “I will serve God in Bangalore, Mangalore and depending on the time even in Goa if I have to. But if God calls me to serve in far off places I will say ‘No’“. In her wisdom, she told me to pray so that God gives me the grace to be open to serve ‘to the ends of the earth‘.
I took this advice to the heart and prayed for this grace while also looking for opportunities to serve a bit more than what I was already doing. After a year I felt the call to be a full timer, I began discerning about it during my personal prayers, quiet time before the Blessed Sacrament ranging from 10min to 1 hour and regular discussions with my formator. It was during this time I obtained great joy and grace hearing and seeing what was in God’s heart especially when I felt disheartened, tired, confused, etc.
In the year 2015, God began to reveal, that my fears were holding me back from fully serving Him. As I continued in pray, He continued to speak to me. He knew exactly who I was and what I struggled with and yet He was calling me saying,
“If you only knew who was calling, you would come”.
He gave me His Amazing Grace and I made a decision of my life to serve God as a full timer.
In the 2 years that followed, God has been helping me, overcome my doubts and stubbornness and grow in my trust in Him. Every time He broke and moulded me, He also showed me how patient, loving, gentle and merciful He is. He has allowed me to experience pain but along with that He has blessed me with beautiful memories filled with victory, laughter and smiles. In addition, He led me to grow in a deeper relationship with Mother Mary who has been a great intercessor, model and advisor for me.
My family’s support was a great blessing. Though they never understood what the role of a full timer was, they still supported me, simply because they knew I was serving God, and their faith in God drove me to grow even more in my faith. My formator, household, other fulltime workers and even many members of the community were always there at the right moment with words of encouragement, love and genuine concern bringing to life,
“Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing”. ~ 1 Thessalonians 5:11
As a full timer the few verses I have experienced include:
- 2 Corinthians 12:9 – “But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” I will all the more gladly boast of my weaknesses, that the power of Christ may rest upon me”.
- Jeremiah 17:14 – “Heal me, O Lord, and I shall be healed; save me, and I shall be saved; for thou art my praise”.
- Psalm 22:3 – “Yet thou art holy, enthroned on the praises of Israel”.
- Deuteronomy 31:8 – “It is the Lord who goes before you; he will be with you, he will not fail you or forsake you; do not fear or be dismayed.”
- Psalm 16:2 – “I say to the Lord, “Thou art my Lord; I have no good apart from thee.”
I praise God for all that He has been doing not only in me but also in the community at large and I pray that He works in each one of us, both to will and to work for His good pleasure, Philippians 2:13.