For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. – Jeremiah 29:11
For with God nothing shall be impossible. – Luke 1:37
these two verses struck my life like a lightning bolt. Yes, the impact was like a machine tool punching the workpiece with great force. And I say this because I experienced God in my engineering life!
Trust me guys, I was so fed up of this so-called engineering life, that I almost tried to take my life in every possible way!
Let me take you to the start from where it all began. After I finished my 12th, my career plans were different, my dad wanted me to take up engineering. This was because the majority of my cousins (32 of them) were engineers and doctors! I tried explaining to him that dislike math and it was a nightmare (Though I like technology and automobile related stuff, Math was something I can’t handle!). But my dad went to an engineering college and completed the admission procedure for the course (BE in Mechanical) and hostel.
In 15 years of my educational life, this was the first time I stayed in a hostel and it wasn’t easy. I was feeling completely low, my heart was broken but I never let the tears roll down face because I didn’t want mom to feel bad. She knew I detested math.
On the completion of my 1st semester, I got my results with three backlogs! In which Engineering Math-1 was one among them.
Whenever I was free, during the tea, lunch or evening break or at night, I would call mom and cry bitterly saying, “I can’t do this”. I wanted to quit and was pretty much fed up! Each and every weekend, every single holiday declared by the management I would use it as an opportunity to run home. Mom couldn’t really do much as she knew that it was already late but she did tell me one thing, “You’re already in the sea, you have to swim son. You’re strong, you can’t drown! I will be your life jacket!”
I never used to pray, if at all I spoke to God I would just blame him. I stopped playing music in church and using my talents. I stopped everything that I was capable of doing. The relationship between me and my mom weakened! Dad toh, forget! He never even called me when I was in the hostel. The entire time, he may have called me just once or twice. When I came home, he used to scold mom saying, “Can’t he sit and study there? Ghara kalyak aila? (Why have you come home?)”
My life was a total mess. I had lost all hope until I met a guy at my college. We immediately had that sibling kind of connection. He used to share everything with me and even I did the same. He advised me to pray and with great difficulty, I started doing that. Slowly he asked me to join the CFCI Youth community because he knew that I was earlier in another youth community and was a deanery president. I had told him that I would join this community but backed out last minute saying, “I am already carrying too much of a burden on me”. Yes, I thought of this as a burden!
Then the 2nd semester came. I answered the regular subjects as well as my backlog papers. I had that little fire of prayer in me but it wasn’t the serious kind. Results were out. I managed to clear just one backlog paper out of the three with an addition of two more backlogs in the 2nd semester. I applied for a revaluation and they failed me by 1 mark in one of the papers! It was a total heartbreak.
Now I had FOUR backlogs out of which two were in Engineering Math 1 & 2. If I had to get an extra backlog, I would have lost a year!
Though I was feeling horrible at this point in time, I didn’t blame God because I was lucky enough not to lose a year. And I had prayed for that! Though I didn’t ask him to help me out in my studies, I asked him to save my year and he did that. But something else began to eat me from within. The pain and sadness on the face of my mom and two siblings.
Then came the 3rd semester. My prayer time increased and so did my faith this time.
I had to answer 12 subjects this time 8 regular and 4 back papers, out of which three were Engineering Math
I.e. Engineering Math 1, 2 and M3… Feel the pressure right? I know the engineering students definitely will.
This semester too, this guy had asked me to join in the upcoming intake camp and I was like let’s see… My results were out and trust me guys for the 1st time I felt that faithful prayers do get answered. I had cleared 11/12 papers! 11/12! I had to write Engineering Math 1, 2 and 3 together of which I had cleared Engineering Math 1 and 3 of the 1st and 3rd semester!
I still had Engineering Math 2 to clear and the 4th semester was my last chance. I was scared. That trust I had towards God was not strong.
The 4th semester was coming to a close and this was the semester where another person I met, asked me to join the CFCI Youth community. I soon got to know that even my seniors are in this community. This time I had made up my mind that no matter what happens, I am attending this intake camp. For some reason, I was eager to go and see what it was.
The one thing I was sure of was that God was giving me a second chance to hold his hands and to experience him. This time I made sure that I will not let this opportunity slip. Guys trust me, I got closer to God and my mom and dad (little closer). I grew stronger in my prayers and I could see those wonders taking place in my life!!
I began playing music in the chapel once again. I started my hobby of photography once again. I praised God for all these opportunities no matter what, in return, he blessed me abundantly! My skills in photography improved. I got an opportunity to play music at the international conference at our college. I was able to understand math, my worst nightmare. From praying only before exams, I started to pray daily and daily converse with the Almighty Father.
Soon my 4th-semester exams came approaching and I had this one last chance to clear Engineering Math 2. This time my prayer was like, “Father just sit beside me whenever I am studying so that you can help me study. And when I enter my exam hall, hold my hand and help me write the exam.” I made this prayer to God for all papers and I also prayed for my fellow mates who had backlogs, to help them too to clear. After each and every paper I used to thank him even if it was bad! And when it was time for the results, I used to pray not only for me but also for my friends as well. See the difference?
And trust me when I say this guys, I cleared my 2nd year i.e. 3rd and 4th semester without any backlogs! I Praise God for all that he has done.
Today in my room you will find a photo frame with my sister’s photo which never lets my mind think of quitting and next to it is my bible and rosary with a small cross and Infant Jesus sticker on the wall.
“For many are called, but few are chosen” – Matthew 22:14
I am happy to be among the chosen ones. I am proud to say that I am part of the CFCI Family.