I was introduced to the CFCI community in 2012. However, since I was neither willing to change my lifestyle nor my choices, I decided to abscond from the community.
Meanwhile, I tangled myself into many worldly addictions; one of them being my involvement in a physically abusive romantic relationship. I tried to invite this man into the community, hoping that it would change things between us. However, he was too accustomed to his lifestyle and had no desire to change for the better. In fact, he insisted that I leave the community too. Hence, I decided to leave the community again and as time passed I struggled with more than just one broken relationship.
Though times were pressing, I believed I could independently handle my plight. I thought that vacation of sorts would revive me and things would eventually get better. Unfortunately, they didn’t. They, in fact, got worse, much worse. My mom was diagnosed with stage three brain cancer. It greatly added to my worries. The thought that I could have been a better daughter in the past caused anger, guilt and terror in me. I feared that I might lose her before making things right.
Despite battling these situations, I was not willing to build my relationship with God. I thought it would cost me my unhealthy relationships and habits, which were my escape when things got bad and stressful. By the end of 2016, I found myself twisted in even bigger problems. I had to quit my job and the only “friends” I had were the ones who used me in one way or another. This loneliness coupled with my past struggles with suicidal thoughts and self-harm led me to think that my future was void of any hope.
Though I had multiple encounters with Jesus in the past, I felt guilty to turn to Him, for I believed that I was merely using Him as a last resort. However, despite my feelings of unworthiness of Christ’s love, I refused to give up on Him. I knew my life was more than its current predicament. That’s when I remembered my encounter with the CFCI family. Their genuine love and care for me made me realize that they were the only way out of my troubles. But, I was hesitant to reach out to the community since I had blocked them a few years ago without providing any explanation. Hence, I emailed them about my difficulties and asked them to pray for the same.
The community immediately responded to me, saying that they really loved me despite my dilemma and wanted me to reach out to them as soon as I could. It took me two weeks to respond to that email. It was difficult for me to accept their words of kindness, considering all that happened in the past. When I met a particular CFCI member, I was overwhelmed by the joy with which she received me. The members encouraged me to go for multiple confessions and masses and eventually, though, with a little hesitation, I joined the community.
This time I was really eager to build my relationship with God. I neither wanted to abscond from the community nor from God. Fellowship with the community offered me so much. The people in the community accepted me for who I am, never judging me for my past. Moreover, knowing that I have a God who despite ALL my unworthiness is still willing to love me and gives me words of assurance filled me with an unparalleled peace. It’s been 2.5 years since I began my journey with this community, nay family and despite all the ups and downs I’ve experienced since then, I’ve never felt alone.
I pen my testimony now to share with you how the Lord has picked me up though my falls and used the same to groom, guide and teach me of His love. Our God is a good God. A really, really good God! I honestly do not know where I would have been without the gift of faith in Jesus Christ. I thank this community for how they make a difference in the lives of others with their little acts of kindness. The same acts of kindness that led a prodigal daughter, like me, into the loving arms of her Father.